Friday, January 27, 2006

Do NOT Call This Number

It’s a painful commercial to start with.
Two ‘real people’ in their mid-twenties staring into the camera, trying to explain how marvelous a service they used. They are doing their best to remain as still as possible, presumably so the camera lens doesn’t have to shift focus. The female has to catch herself as her over-tensed body tries to shift her forward.
Much more incongruous than any of this is the attempt to incorporate the hip-hop slang of the company’s web address (that’s right, web address) into their ceremonial treatise.

That’s bad enough.

But, at the very end, the owner himself must make an appearance. That’s right.
In this world of superficial judgments, you’d think a businessman would be shrewd enough to let the pretty blonde’s smile do all his talking for him. Not this guy.

As the couple stands framing the edges of the screen with plastic smiles, making like statuary (at least trying) and positioned at diagonals to funnel attention toward center screen, the man himself stands between and behind them. He’s already elevated two feet above their height (to make him look important?), but doesn’t let this stop him from bouncing on tip-toes at every syllable.

The altitude, the suit, and the gruesome smile make him look like a film version of Satan. But that doesn’t begin to touch on the grotesque eyebrows and hairline, or the rest of the face.
His speech is designed to emphasize his benevolent sacrifice at offering the viewer such magnificent financing.
And even though the utter stupidity behind this commercial would seem to rule out the presence of mind of a good con-artist, somehow I still don’t believe a word being said.

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